Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
