Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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