And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
