I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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