He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
