The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm at about main and main street
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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