i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
