this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
