You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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