I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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