so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
