i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
