How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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