I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
