So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my sisters under your porch take her home
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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