And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
