sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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