Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
