as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
