its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
