Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
