If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
