Duck Duck Cougar?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
