meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dick very happy bro
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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