I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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