Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
