Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
