i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
