i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
