a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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