Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
