If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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