The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
