I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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