Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
