I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
