Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
