you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
