Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
