I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
