I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You took a bar mat shot.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
