Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
