I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
soo... how was my night?
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