Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
