i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
