Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
