She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
