you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
