Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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