i think my tv is drunk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
