So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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