take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
